At one of my recitals, another students' Italian Grandmother praised him saying "You done good, Honey. You done good." Gram picked it right up and it was a standing joke between us after that.

Dad and Charlie, my brother, would be in the TV room at the other end of our cape cod house and I could hear them laughing and talking and having fun with " The Rifleman" or "Bonanza" or "Combat", the only things Dad was really into - westerns and war flicks. But at least it was their choice. My Mom somehow thought that this would be good for me. Some one had said I needed discipline, I was somewhat of a problem child, throwing temper tantrums and such. Mom tells of my lying down on the hall floor, kicking and screaming when I couldn't get what I wanted, and saying " Just leave him be, he'll get tired of it after a while."

But it must have been shortly there after, that I decided that I was going to become GAY. It seemed the one thing that everyone knew I was before I opened my mouth. Life has been one long and twisted roller coaster. I've been and seen much more than I ever dreamed I could but now feel the story may be coming to an end, so before I go, I though I'd better jot this down so you won't forget how this happened. There gone now, the ones I really cared about, Lydia(she didn't want me to call her Grandma) and Malcomb (Grandpa) Stinson, Cousin Barry Boozam, Dad, Great Aunt Selena & Uncle Curly, her husband, Aunt Mary Kessler, and Georgiana. Nothing left but Mom, Chas and Judy, his wife, and they don't know the story. Life in New York , Hartford, Providence, Los Angeles, Ft. Lauderdale, Lake Arrowhead - this has been a long road that never really seemed to get going.

Have I just been riding a dream? I don't think I will ever really know. This may have been the worst mistake of my life and it may cost me just that, but lets go back to the early years.

Up at 6:30 am, tend the horses (let's see, we got those when I was 10), and in the car to  Lydia's down the road for breakfast. Ah! The smell of Grandma's in the morning was great. Especially on those cold winter mornings when the snow is so thick the plows can't get through. I remember one day the family walking the ½ mile to Gram's house, Mom fell into the snow up to her waist and we had to pull her out. We don't get snow like that anymore. Grandma was my guiding Light and with her passing my light flickered and has never shown as bright. She was the only one, besides my Aunt Barbara, who encouraged my dancing, Barbara says I was a dancer from birth. I used to stand in the playpen while she babysat and rock in time to the music. She has always said she got me started in the business. Gram used to say "Do whatever makes you happy." Being with her always did. My grade school days were spent at the West Broad St. School where I quickly got a reputation as a problem child. My 1st grade report card states, " Respects the opinions & rights of others -? Is courteous -? Controls self, Keeps temper -?" Rita Motes, the teacher, lists Math & Music as "Above Average". The 2nd grade was about the same except Mrs. Gibney states, " Richard has done very well in controlling his temper since the first of the year. He is much more mature now." Seems to me that was the year I wrote on the blackboard - "Mrs. Gibney is a bitch" and was sent to the Vice Principal - Mr. Dixon - who tried to keep me after school for detention. I remember seeing the buses starting to leave and knowing it was my only way home, I kicked Mr. Dixon in the shin and ran out of the building to catch it. But they had all gone, so I started to walk home - some 5 miles - Mom had been telephoned and was already on her way to pick me up when she saw me. Strange, I can't remember what happened after that but am told I got the beating of my life, funny I remember that as a different incident. By the 4th grade I was being tormented on the school bus by one of my classmates - Adrian Sheldon, who could have passed for a pro-linebacker even then - she was the only girl whom I didn't get along with. In the school yard during recess - the boys played on one side of the yard - marbles, basketball, baseball, etc. and the girls were on the other, playing on the swings, jacks, and practicing to be cheerleaders when they grew up. That is where you would find me, sneaking off with Kathy, down to the drain in the far corner where no one could see, to make out. The boys were already calling me queer names, Sally Silver, for to them - girls had "Cooties". The weekends were spent with Mom's friends from work - she was a housemother at the Mystic Oral School for the Deaf. Sometimes she would bring one of the kids home for the holidays or just a weekend. It was difficult to communicate with them because they were not allowed to use sign language as this was an "oral" school. To this day I have found it impossible to learn sign or any other language, still having Mom's voice in the back of my head telling me "Do not learn their language. They are supposed to learn to talk." Mental blocks like this are very permanent. Aunt Grace Perkins and her sister Aunt Esther Smith weren't really related but we spent so much time with them that the terms came naturally. They were Mom's work & horseback riding buddies and when they went off together, the older "cousins" would watch us. Esther's Cubby & Susan and Grace's CB & Kathy would take care of seeing we younger ones stayed out of trouble. Kathy's younger sisters, Beth and Karen usually tagged along but sometimes they didn't. I remember one summer the three families rented a cottage at Lord's Point - Kathy and Susan thought it would be great to have me strip and parade around the house in my birthday suit for the neighborhood. Then there was the time Cub, Sue, and their cousin Carrie Mansfield thought it would be great fun to have this girl from New Jersey lay down on the lawn in back of the house while I came out in my birthday suit and laid on top of her and bounced up & down. I wasn't sure what this was about but I followed direction well. One day, in the middle of a blizzard, Cub got me so upset that I walked out of the house in my underwear and started to walk home, some 15 miles or more.

Carrie was an instigator from the get go, She could always find something to get me into trouble. I remember the day she talked me into stealing strawberries out of the neighbor's garden and selling them on the street corner. We took some of Mom's maple leaf-shaped plastic coasters to give away with each basket of berries but when the cars wouldn't stop, we started flinging them at the cars, one went right into an open window and hit the man driving in the face.

After a while, life was nothing more than repetition - School - Fridays was piano lessons - Saturday - Riding lessons. By the time I was 16, I was jumping in national competitions and was 4th in the northeast conference 2 years in a row. The top 3 placements were allowed to tryout for the Equestrian Team. In 1964, I missed by 4 points, which wasn't bad but the next year I lost by 1/4 of a point - to a girl. That hurt more than loosing itself. The greatest joys of my early childhood were going to horse shows with Mom, Dad & Charlie with his horse Tonka. My horse's name was Sundance, a mustang we had picked up from a strange lady in Mystic who talked to him all the way around the ring to get him to go and then wipe out his mouth with a towel after each ride. She had gotten him from out west somewhere and had worked with him in English tack but had never jumped. She didn't feel that he had it in him but we showed her differently. Once, while giving an exhibition at the Groton Submarine Base horse show, we fell into a gopher hole coming off a jump. "Sunny" went into a cartwheel and landed right on top of me. I wasn't hurt but his bit had twisted and punctured the roof of his mouth. The Vet said we were very lucky. A few centimeters to one side or the other and it would have hit a major artery. I only remember Dad jumping over the fence and running into the ring to get me, lying on my back with Sunny standing over me dripping blood from his mouth, and the sheer terror I felt. I do not handle pain or loss well. At this point the only loss I had really felt was my Great-Grandma Adams and a few pets and I didnt take them well.

Carrie Williams was my jumping instructor. His daughter, Anita, was my best competition and at the time I had a crush on her. We traveled the Northeast Coast from Bangor, ME to New York, where a pig farmers son was the boy to beat. I went up against Barney Ward and his unorthodox style quite often and am glad to say I bested him on most occasions. He made the U.S. Team and still looks great on a horse. My win at Avon, CT, the first time in an indoor ring, brings back memories of mud, rain and trucks stuck in the field, my horse and I drenched to the bone and the silver serving tray that Mom and Dad had engraved. All of my ribbons and trophies are gone save one, a silver bowl that I can't even remember from whence it came. Moving around so much has forced me to leave behind most of the non-essentials. Chas and I rode almost every day, the farm across from our house was very large and behind the fields were acres of forest and more fields. We blazed trails through the wooded areas, luckily our neighbors didn't mind our coming out in their back yards, and we'd cross the road, then back into the woods. We had trails leading to my cousin Barry's from two directions. We could cross South Anguilla Road, ride along the fields, go into the woods and follow an old logging road to the next farm over which Sergio Franci eventually bought, go out his driveway to Pequot Trail up Taugwonk Road to Aunt Ruth's. Or head down South Anguilla, cross over Pequot Trail and pass Ricker's Tractor shop, cross Anguilla Brook and open the gate on the Banks Farm. We'd ride through the cow fields, through the blueberry fields on the Wheeler Farm and out on the Webb Estate on Taugwonk Road. I set up jumps along the way for Sunny and I. Things were great back then. I loved the rides our 4-H club would have whether on foxhunt conditions or trail rides and the hayrides were even more fun. Times seems to be more laid back then and the hustle and bustle of todays world makes me long for those quieter days. The fairs and square dances, the parades through small towns and the camp out trail rides with rhododendron lining the dirt roads and Uncle Chet Perkins leading the way, seem so far away now and lost. There was my trip to Illinois as one of four chosen from New London County to represent the 4-H. Two boys and two girls, though in actuality, both boys were gay though I hid the fact for most of the trip. It wasn't until Niagara Falls on the return drive that I allowed Wayne Dennison his way with me. I guess it was the setting and not wanting it to go to waste. There was a girl in the Illinois club who followed me all over like a puppy dog. I'm sure she would have had my children in an instant if I had only moved on it but I was seeing Kathy Harrison still and, unlike most of my peers, I felt it would be taking advantage of the situation. That same year I was best man for Mario Rubello's wedding and one of the brides maids took the train from New Jersey to Rhode Island just to be with me and what do I do, drop her at a road side motel, give her the number to my uncle's taxi service and leave. Chas & I represented New London County at the Eastern States Exposition. I came home with a girl's phone number, but she lived on at Mt. Snow, Vermont and the chances of me ever seeing her again were next to zip.

My Dad's family was always kept in the background for some reason, or so it seemed. Once in a while, Uncle Joey, Dad's 1/2 brother, would stop by to go deer hunting or Aunt Margret would stop with her kids. For some reason Chas and I always teased those kids more than any other. Aunt Mary was the funny one who always reminded me of Martha Rae. And I have a vague recollection of Grampa Kessler, Dad's step father, whom we only saw for Christmas and a summer picnic or two. Dad's twin uncles Joe and Louie are a pair, it's like being with Burns & Allen. My grandparents are still a mystery. Joseph DeSylvia and Maria Estrella DeSylvia came over from the Villa Estrella on St. Michael in the Azores. Lousitano (Americanized to Louis) was born in New Bedford, Ma in 1920 and Joseph filed for a divorce shortly therafter. Maria remarried Frank Kessler and Dad entered and graduated Stonington High School as Louis Kessler. He learned to be a cabinet maker along side his stepfather before entering the Army to avoid marriage  but was brought back from Iceland to make things right. A daughter was born and named Constance, whom I have just recently been able to get to know. Connie's mother left Dad and made her family promise on her death bed to keep them apart. I did manage to bring them closer together before his passing in 1994. Somewhere along in here, Millicent Evelyn came on the scene, I really don't think anyone has ever told me how they met and next I was born. My Dad and Mom's Dad built the Cape Cod we grew up in and Dad got into the Electric Co. where Grampa worked. I remember him studying as much as Chas & I did at times, but he always wanted to know more. He was right up there on the cutting edge with Neucleur Energy and Generators and stuff. He was never really acknowledged for his part in the eastern seaboard blackout but his power station was the only one which did not go dark and his station sent out the spark that brought light back to New York and New England. New England Power Co. quickly made him a supervisor of all their generating stations in charge of maintaining performance. He wasn't as happy after that. He was a hands on man and, as supervisor, was forced to stand back and instruct when what he really wanted was to jump in there and do it. His homes showed the love he had for his family and he kept the place neat as a pin. He built two barns in his day, the original one that has been turned into a home now on South Anguilla and when they moved to North Smithfield, he built Mom a barn and corral for her horse, Missy, whom we had raised from birth.

Mom's family were the people I spent most of my time with. Uncle John Boozam, Mom's sister Ruth's husband, gave Charlie and I jobs mowing lawns. My cousin Barry was also into horses and we spent a lot of time together at 4-H club functions and some of the local horse shows. He and I got into it one day in his barn, things were very strained for a while after that. I never blamed him for it and he knew that. It was just that both he and my brother took a lot of abuse from the other guys about me and they always stood up for me. I guess he had just had enough. Mom's brother Malcomb Jr (Butch) gave us his dog when he went into the Marines. I remember her as a beagle-type kind of dog who gave birth on the kitchen floor.

I also remember the day I tried to pet another dog we had, after putting her food down

and the stitches in my lip.

The next week, Chas bet me he could pet the dog when he fed her and has a scar under his eye to prove I won. Dad shot the dog that night when he got home. It wasn't what he wanted but I remember him saying he couldn't have his kids getting eaten up either. He went and got us a new dog though, a boxer named Rocky who hated men. Apparently, the man Dad got Rocky from was scared to death of him and had him tied in the yard all the time. He would throw Rocky his food from across the yard and sometimes it didn't reach but would be left there. Rocky loved women and kids, but even Uncle Joey nearly had his arm taken off when he stopped by one afternoon. Dad was sitting on the back porch with Rocky and as Joey approached, Rocky lunged for him. Dad had all he could do to grab him in mid-air and pull him down. We eventually had to give Rocky up to a farmer when he started attacking the other dogs in the neighborhood.

Aunt Barbara has always lived in North Carolina, or at least it seems that way. Now she is in Myrtle Beach, SC but when I was growing up, Uncle Judd and Barb were stationed on the Marine base in North Carolina, Camp Lejeune. They have been stationed all over including Hawaii, but they seem to like the Carolina's. One summer, while they were living in Connecticut, we took a trip to the Bronx Zoo and Barb had us in stitches the whole way. On the way home, she would pretend to miss the toll booths baskets and finally did miss and had to get out of the car, collect the change, redeposit it, all this while laughing hysterically and apologizing to the cars behind us.

Junior High was uneventful except for Gym class. I was excused from classes after the teacher brought out a mini trampoline, a small circle, and put me at the front of the line and said, "I want you to run over, jump on the mini-tramp, and do a forward roll." I ran over, jumped on the circle and started to do the roll but landed on my head and knocked myself out. He didn't tell me to land on my feet first. Still walking to Mrs. Sherman's on Friday, I vary my route now. I still have to go past Tony's Meat Market to get across the river but Gram doesn't work there anymore.

High School was loads of fun, I joined the band and tried to learn the French Horn but didn't have the lips for it so I switched to the drum section. By the time I was a Junior, the Drum Major had graduated and the band committee was looking for someone to fill the slot. I really wanted that job and it looked as though I had it. I was the best qualified of the group and was even put in the position for a few weeks during rehearsals but the committee felt that the band couldn't afford a new uniform, since all previous Drum Majors had been girls, so they found someone who had just transferred to the area, had some baton training, and lived 6 houses away from me for me to train for MY position. It was a very difficult thing for me to do, train someone else to take my job, but I gritted my teeth and did it. I must say, she was by far the best Drum Major Stonington High had ever seen, I made sure of that. We went to the finals that year and placed as I recall.

By now most of my school peers regarded me as different, even though I had only had one meaningful encounter prior to my freshman year and Yes, that was with another boy from my neighborhood who was 2 years younger than myself. He taught me what sex was all about. It wasn't until then that I even realized that my body could feel like that. Ronnie and Charlie hung out together most of the time. When we would go camping overnight under the high wire lines, which now is part of Interstate 95, we would wait until Chas fell asleep and then slip into one sleeping bag and carry-on for hours. My brother never knew, for he sleeps like a log and a bomb wouldn't wake him. Mom caught us in the hay loft one time and from then on we were not allowed to be alone together for any reason. That killed my sex life for the next 6 years except for the old 5 finger routine.

The first female in my life was Sue - her father was the head honcho for the 4-H in our county. We met at summer camp and fell in love, puppy love maybe, but our parents felt we were too young and kept us apart. (I ran into Sue while I was living in Hartford. I hung at gay bar/coffee shop called Romano's and there she sat in the next booth with her lover. It seems we both ended up on the other side of the tracks.)

In 1964, I started dating the hottest red-head you'd ever want to meet - Sally Babie. She used to drive me wild, until I got an "E" on my report card in my Sophmore year and Dad took my license away for 6 weeks. By then she had teamed-up with a Sister Act from the right side of the tracks who's Daddy had bought them a Hearse to drive around in on which they had painted "PlayPen II". I understand from my brother, who did get around, that it came equipped with a mattress in the rear. Sally's Mom pleaded with me to help her get her daughter back and away from these "sluts" but when I called and told Sally that I was at her house and wanted to see her, all she had to say was "I'm with my friends". As I left the house dragging her mother across the front lawn as she clung to my pantleg, I couldn't help but think "I hope you are having fun with your friends". I never saw or heard from her again. My senior year of high school, things were pretty good. By now the Principal knew just where to find me if I was cutting class - The Stage. I would dance and sing up a storm by myself or, if others needed help with a talent show or cheerleading or whatever, I would tutor and choreograph the entire number for them. I was allowed to sit with the cheerleaders at games, which had not been allowed to any male prior to this, and given Honorary Cheerleader status by the squad for helping with routines. I really wish my school had allowed boy cheerleaders on the squad but I was allowed to wear my Mom's Megaphone Letter on my sweater from her cheerleading days in the 40's and compared to those given out now, I looked great. Somewhere along the way I lost that sweater and I really loved that sweater, too.With Mom's big letter on the back and my band letter on the pocket, it was hot.

 My English teacher, Mrs. Nardone, was the only one who really let me express myself. I wrote wild stories of cannabalism & horror and would incorporate her name into the storyline. She never caught on that it was her husband I was thinking of doing away with.

There was my Senior Class trip to Washington, DC on which I became a big hit. It seems there were only 7 of us who were over 18 and allowed to buy alcohol and the girls were afraid of getting caught. I was running to the store every 5 min. until finally, those of us over 18 had to escape just to be left alone for a while. We ducked in a bar and had our own litte party.

That was the year the school band went to Suffield, CT for an exchange program and I met Kathy Harrison - the sweetest thing this side of heaven. We burned together with a passion fire that tore our clothes off, but she never let me get passed second base. I always respected her for that and loved her more. But she would get me so HOT, that I would stop off in Hartford on my way home and cruise the Bus/Train terminal for some guy. I used to say that it was just for the release but I know that I really enjoyed it. I spent almost every weekend driving to Suffield and stopping off in Hartford, and met guite a few guys. Most were my age, I wasn't attracted to older men. Most of the time it was just a quicky in the car. I really can't remember anyone from those times as I never really got to know any of them. Just a passing fling and then on to the next. I can't even remember going with the same person more than once. I didn't want anything to connect me with them. I thought I was straight eventho everyone else thought I was gay, and Kathy was all I really cared about.

College came up in the conversation at dinner more often now. Mom told me that my father had been saving since I was 5 for me to go to college and they had spent alot of money on piano lessons all those years - that I had better do something with it. Well, what can you do with it. I could only see a life of practice, practice, practice, and that was not what I had envisioned for myself. I was only looking forward to being with Kathy, she was so brilliant. She was teaching freshmen English classes while only a Junior herself and needed 4 credits to graduate. Her Parents were not pleased when Kathy & I announced we wanted to get married. "She is going to Geo. Washington University after she graduates next year" was her mothers last words to me as they politely asked me never to see their daughter again.

So, I did what I was supposed to do and applied to a number of Music Schools being accepted at only one. Boston Conservatory, Hartt and New England all turned me away but Westminster Choir College said yes and I started my year off with a bang. Introduction to Christian Thought at 8am followed by Music History at 9. You would think that after years of getting up at 6:30 I would have had no problem - But there was no Dad yelling at me to move my butt so I usually made it to breakfast around 9:30 and went to my first class - Eurythmics -at 10. Boy!, did I like that class - It was like a funky dance class where we learned to move in syncopated movements pitting 2 against 3 or 3 against 4. Walk in four while clapping in 3 or 5. That sort of thing. To me, it was the closest I had come to a dance class in my life and I loved it. And as my grades started to slip, I found I just gave up for a time and went with the flow.

I frequented many churches searching for something that I knew existed but which I had not found as yet. Growing up, Mom and Dad brought me up at the Congregation church where Dad became a decon. Grandma Lydia was always doing something for the church - Flower committee or something, and I joined the choir. Mom taught Sunday school and was shocked when at a very early age I announced to the minister's wife, my teacher, that I was born 3 days before my Mom & Dad were married. She came running around the curtain that seperated the classes to correct me adding "1 year .... I was born 3 days before they were married 1 year." I quess small things like that can make a big difference or so it seemed. Now, it was the small things that made me look for more answers. I had always believed there was a God, and somehow knew that he was watching over me. I can remember feeling scared at night because someone was looking into my 2nd story bedroom window watching me. I have always felt that way. I still do. Not scared, but I still know that I am being watched from above. I will explain further later. In Princeton, there is nothing but Academia. The College, The Teachers, and Churches. All kinds of churches. I went to all of them. Searching for something more. I just felt that the congregational church I had grown up in was too stayed, to puritanical. Sitting in those wooden highbacked pues, listening to the Minister spew fire & brimstone, I felt that somewhere along the line the church had lost the true feeling of God. My God was not a strict disciplinarian who asked his children to sit down and shutup. He was a joyous God who loved song , who cared for and watched over his flock and who never intended there be suffering or in pain. Man has misconstrewd his words and feelings, and teach their young to fear him as some tyrant who, in the last days, will come and cast them into damnation for their sins. Not so. He is a loving God and has only asked that we be as him, Loving and Forgiving. I strove to find a church that believed as I did, that this is so and found him in many congregations. None were as strong as the Baptist Church and this is where I still maintain my allegiance but even within this church there are those who are not filled with the spirit. I can't really explain that phrase except to say if you are ever in Mystic, CT look up Rev. "Pearly" Gates, a man so filled with the spirit you cannot help but be touched by it. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It was easy to meet guys in a music school. Most of them were gay and I knew that if they found out I was fooling around, it would be all over campus in a flash, so I went off campus to meet people. I met and was dating a monistary student for a while. He used to meet me at 2am and sneek me into his cell. The train station was always a good place to meet someone who was lonely and I did. I crashed a party at a Princeton U. frat once but found I was in the wrong place when they got me drunk, beat the crap out of me and tossed me into the street. The year I spent in Princeton was wasted. The music theory class was taught by Mrs. Pate, the voice teacher's wife. Unfortunatelly, I knew more theory than she and found myself correcting her work daily. Mr. Pate was not pleased and failed me on my final exam. I had been very ill for most of the semester with a prostate infection and had not gotten a chance to rehearse my vocal exam with an accompianist. I glanced over at the music to check my intro after a piano interlude and was immediately stopped and thrown out of the exam. I felt I should have been given some latitude in this matter but was refused. My piano teacher had the hearts for me but waited until the end of the year to let me know. We had fling for a couple of weeks which was probably the best thing that happened that year. I did go to one party of a Westminster students, we ended up with the lights off pitching pennys at each other. If a penny hit you, you had to take off a clothing item. when the lights came on everyone was naked but me. Only one penny had hit me,eventho everyone else was aiming at me and I wasn't returning fire, so how did they get hit? Anyway, as you might figure, I couldn't keep a 3.0 GPA while staying out all night and not getting up for class so my 2.8 didn't make it past the first year. My parents were disappointed and sent me to Mitchell College,a two year college in New London, to make up the credits I needed to get back in, but I had already decided that schooling was going to wait while I looked around to see what I really wanted.

New London - Seafood capitol of the world. We had the Navy Submarine base on one side of the river and the Coast Guard Academy on the other. There were two gay bars in town and eventho I wasn't old enought to get in - the drinking age in Connecticut being 21 -

I would stand outside on the curb and dance to the music from within. I met and hung out with many of the locals and there were many nights where I had to be home by midnight and would make the 30 min. trip in 14.

 I started going to Providence, RI with Jay, a hairdresser friend, and met a sailor from the Newport Naval base. I had also met Dwight from Westerly and was spending more time with him.

Mom had found out about my seeing the sailor, I had written a 7 page detailed letter to send him and had hidden it in my underware drawer, and I was seeing the Psychiatrist now. What they didn't know was when I left the Doctor's office I would run to Dwight's house and, while getting it on, we would laugh about the visit to the doctor and discuss what I should say at the next visit that would shock him. Dwight introduced me to Bert Jacques, a Peke breeder, and I must say, the two of them are probably the oldest and dearest friends I have had athough we are not speaking now. Bert had a lover, John, and lived at the beach in Matunuck, RI and I can remember many happy days spent there. They had what I truly wanted, a home by the sea, dogs, and they really cared about each other. Dwight and I had a good relationship but his political attitude was more than I could take. I knew that I wasn't cut out to be First Lady, Dwight on the other hand wanted to be President. Somewhere along the way we drifted apart and I found things around the homefront getting a bit sticky at this point and I felt that I was being stifled. I came down with Hepatitis after a Halloween Party in New London. The gay partygivers came down with it the next morning and everyone in New London got the word throught the grapevine to get their shots but no one called me. Two weeks later I was working at Almacs in Westerly as a cashier and passed out at the register. I went home and stayed in bed for a couple of days at which point Mom came in and said I was Green and took me to the doctor who said I was Yellow. I felt like a martian or something and asked that they have their eyes checked. Yellow it was and in the hospital I went. I was put in an isolation ward with another man who also had hepatitis but he died a few days later and I was alone. I started drawing pictures in pencil of horses and horse heads from the magazines Mom had brought in. The nurses thought they were great and I drew quite a few of them, Mom still has one on her wall. They say I almost died but I remember it as a very peaceful time. I had to drink 2% milk and no alcohol for a year but I wasn't much of a drinker anyway. I came home in time for Thanksgiving but had to stay in my room the whole day. I could hear the rest of the familys downstairs and wanted to be there but was just thankful to be alive. After a time, I felt things were too controlled. Mom had really put the clamps on and I had to get away from the control and take control myself. I spoke to Mom about moving to Providence but with all that had been before, she suggested Hartford. Why not, I thought. I had as many acquaintances there of which she knew nothing about.

I moved into the YMCA across the street from the biggest gay bar in town, Tony Romano's "Haufbrau Haus" where I first danced to "White Rabbit". I took a job with Dun & Bradstreet which turned out to be nothing more than stuffing envelopes and moved to the South End which is predominantly Puerto Rican. I took a second story apartment overlooking the main drag through town and found another gay bar just down the block. I spent a great deal of time and energy fixing up the place which was basically two rooms. You came into a hall which had a bathroom to the right, straight ahead was the kitchen and to the left was the bedroom/living room with the bed to the left and a sofa and plush chair in front of the bay windows. The window in the kitchen and the bays looked down on State Street in the heart of Gang Territory. The North End Gangs of blacks and the South End Gangs of Puerto Rican's were in a constant state of war and things could explode at any time. I somehow found myself dating the leader of the South End gang for a couple of months. His second, Chino, even wanted to find out what the interest was and came over one night when he knew I would be alone . The worst night I spent in that apartment was my birthday when Louise Wilcox brought Champagne and after partying until she dropped, I decided to go out. I picked up two guys who seemed abit down and brought them back to my place to party but once I was drunk, they attacked me with the empty bottle, tied me up and robbed me of my jewelry and two leather jackets. My neighbors heard the noise and yelling but no one even called the police. I had to plead for them to open the door and call 911 for me as the two had cut my phone cords to tie me up and my head was gushing blood from the gash made by the Champagne bottle which was still intact.

I got a job working at Hartford Hospital and for a while I was very happy. I was hired to be on orderly but after the schooling period, and finding my score on the final 35 points above the next highest score, they sent me to the female aid classes where I again topped the best scores. At this point I was offered a scholarship 1) to become a Doctor and upon refusal 2) an R.N. and then 3) an L.P.N. all of which would take me away from my appointed goal of becoming a dancer. In fact the reason I left the nursing profession was just that. One of my patients, a dying man on strict I & O, heard from one of the student nurses that I was a great dancer and refused to go to the dining room until a demonstration was given. After much debate, and realizing that without food (Intake) there would be no Output and his condition could get worse, I consented to a one minute exhibition at which point the charge nurse walked into the room to check why the patient & I were not in the dining room where I was assigned. Well, you can imagine her look and the discipline action taken as a result. While working at the hospital, I met my 2nd lover, Dwight being my first, Howard. He was stationed at Ft. Dix in N.J., and we saw each other 2 out of 3 weekends. My nursing schedule was broken into three shifts, 7-3, 3-11, & 11-7, and we changed every week, so 1 week he would come to Hartford, the next I would come to New York and the third we could not get together because of his schedule. This went along for 3-4 months until I wanted to surprise him and switched my schedule with Louise Wilcox, one of the nurses, and found him at the Stonewall dancing with another guy who it turns out was his other lover. This really devistated me to the point of suicide attempts and deep depression. I stayed home from work for days and locked myself away in my room. It wasn't until Louise took an interest and confided in me that she divorced her husband because he was gay, that I started coming around. She helped me through that period and even tried to fix me up with her ex-husband. Thanks Wheeze but he wasn't my type either.

Louise, her son Todd, and I spent alot of time together and if I hadn't felt she was trying to convert me for herself, we probably would still be friends. I remember the night we went to Carol's house for dinner after work and while trying to get some milk out of the refrigerator, a flat iron fell off the top and hit me on the head. I ended up in the ER with the head of nursing - a spinster - asking " what has he gotten into now." And the weekend we spent at my Mom & Dad's when everone met Howard for the first time and Mom knew right off what the deal was. Wheeze, Todd and I spent a vacation weekend at Misquamicut at the Andria Hotel before the hurricane blow it down and they had to rebuild. The staircases used to be so narrow that Louise, who is a big girl, got stuck in it.

I moved to Farmington Avenue across the street from the Cinerama Theatre which had a Help Wanted sign in the window. I then took a position as a movie theatre manager trainee - probably the easiest job I have ever held. Nothing to do but watch movies and keep the help in line. Of course there was the paperwork, deposits, and advertising layouts - my first big ad was voted "Best of the Year" by a group of theatre owners and ad execs. It was so easy to cut up the proofs sent along with the film from the opening ad campaign and rework them into the ad boxes supplied by the papers. Sort of like decorating a cake or arranging flowers to look great on the dining room table. But playing "Ben Hur" for 6 months became tedius and by the 3rd month I was entertaining the ushers and candy girls by acting out the entire show in the lobby in character & voice. They loved it and so did I. I was told that I would have my own theatre within two years when I was hired but I managed to complete my training in 6 months and was givin the 2nd best theatre in the chain. One of the nice things I did this year was vacation in Bermuda. I was coming down with an ulcer and the doctors told me to get away. I had just gotten my TWA Getaway Card and having Sunday and Monday off, I left Hartford at noon and was in Bermuda by 2pm. I rented a moped and bopped around the island for 2 days soaking in the sun and all the while thinking of when I was young and Grandma would talk of one day going to Bermuda and my telling her I would build a boat and take her. I had to settle for sending post cards but she never complained. I had to be back for an opening on Tuesday with big-wigs from Columbia Pictures going to be on hand but got caught in stacking over New York and missed the connecting flight resulting in my getting in after the picture had finished. My bosses were not pleased. I, on the other hand, was feeling much better and wanted to get at it, what ever it was, and I knew it wasn't happening here.

I was still going on weekends to New York and met a guy who took me to the home of Jacques d'Amboise, then premier dancer with the New York City Ballet. Upon entering his apartment, I noticed a kid, about 18 or so, sitting on a large cushion smoking a joint. Now, I knew that everyone was doing it and I had tried it once or twice in Providence, But as I stated that day - It never really did anything for me, Until that fateful date. We were on our way to an East Indian Dance Concert and Andre's lover brought me a cigar-sized joint and said " smoke this and tell me it does nothing for you." By the time the dancer was half way through the first number I was STONED. That concert was the Greatest and the high was out of this world. I cannot express the feeling which the music and dance gave me that day. I only know I was flying and it felt great. I wanted to feel the music in the same way she did and express it through my dance. That was when I decided to go to New York and make it on the stage.

James Thurston from Avon and I had spent alot of time together and he helped me pull it together.

I had spent many a weekend in the Big Apple and this same friend who had introduced me to Andre had stated that any time I wanted to move down - to just ring the bell and I could stay with him. So I packed my bags, put them in the Port Authority bus locker and rang his bell to find he had moved the month before and left no forwarding address. What to do now. I was almost broke and had no where to stay. I roamed around the village until early morning, was attacked by 3 large black men at the basketball courts on 6th Ave., knocked them all down and jumped into a cab to get away and there went the last few bucks I had. Luckily, around 6 am I ran into Frank, a waiter I had gotten to know at the local restaurant, who took me home to Jill's apartment, a hairdresser whom he was staying with. I got a job working in a gay bar as a stripper and started to get on my feet. I was helping out with Jill's bills and because Frank wasn't, She threw him out. I bounced from one club to another, working for Lon at the Tool Box go me in and The Department Store was born. I was the star attraction. The Barn/ Triangle was the biggest thing in the city at that time. They had 8-10 dancers a night, and a back room that was as dark as you can get. The stories that those walls could tell. Well, Lon wanted to have a club that was better. The Tool Box was a small hole in the wall bar where 6 - 8 dancers would perform on a small stage. Usually, two or three songs each and back then we didn't stop at a g-string, it was total nudity. The Dept. Store was something new to New York. Formerly a 4 story warehouse, it was converted into a 3 story bar with parking on the ground floor but not for customers. The second floor had two bars, one for the leather and chains types - with a Harley strung up from the ceiling - the other, a levi's denim crowd would frequent. The 3rd floor was the coat room, and Back Room (as they were called) and game room for pool enthusiasts. 4th floor - Sweater crowd - the largest of the bars. This was my room. When you walked thru the door, you were standing on a landing. A set of stairs, no railings and open steps led to the floor of the room with the bar across the right side of the room and the rest of the room was open for dancing. Directly across from this doorway and about half as high as the landing was a small stage. No, I can't call a 4 x 4 box a stage. This pedistal was my perch. At 10pm I would get up on this box and strip to my birthday suit - nothing new here - and dance until closing - 4 am. I had very few breaks and the tips weren't really great but I was dancing in New York in my own club - a featured dancer - I could have cared less. I was seen by everyone and quickly became known where ever I went. One night , a gentleman came up to me and stated "Your a great dancer, kid. If you had more tecnique, I'd put you on Broadway". He never did but it started me thinking and researching the possibilities. Unfortunately, the club had a very short life. I was arrested in my birthday suit behind the bar, the bartender asked me to keep watch while he relieved himself but I still feel he must have had something to do with the bust. A man was very insistant on getting a beer, and eventho I repeatedly told him he would have to wait, he stayed in my face until after about 10 minutes I finally gave in and served him at which point he flashed his badge and off we went. Everyone except the bartender who had gone to the john. We spent about 4 hours in jail, that is, they spent the night in holding cells, I, being clostraphobic, and after trying to break through the bars and gashing my head and wrist open, was placed in and handcuffed to a chair. The guards were quite upset as they had to shut the TV off for fear I was enjoying myself too much. The next morning, we were taken into the court room and our Lawyer, supplied by "The Boys" who owned the club, sauntered in looking like Mae West. We were released and given another court date but, since no one had given their correct names, we never went back.

The best times were going to the Continental and listening to Bette Midler. I managed to get to alot of clubs and meet alot of people, even managed to open a club or two as star attraction, but somehow never managed to be in the right spot at the right time to have my career click. I even tried to break into porn films and went for a shoot in Soho. It was to be 2 girls and 3 guys, but the girls were ugly, the guys were HOT and the director says "Now remember, this is a straight film, NO Guy/Guy stuff." Well, I tried to continue but couldn't and left. I was asked to do a gay porn film but I had been told that things like that would hamper my career and so I tended to shy away from getting seen in those.

I spent many nights dancing 'til dawn, pounding the pavement by day, rehearsals all evening and then back to the clubs. I can't remember eating much and since I only weighed 165, I probably didn't. Salads, Yogurt, Bagels and cream cheese, Peanutbutter and Preserves (only), once in a while a fish sandwich or chicken but that was about it except for my cookies. I have to have my cookies, Oatmeal. Many feel I used them like sleeping pills, four with a glass of milk will put me under.

One morning, Gerry, a Scarsdale High teacher I knew asked me to come to school after getting off work. His roommate worked at the bar with me and it was about 5:30am when we got to his apartment. Gerry asked if I were doing anything that day and if I felt like getting drunk. I wasn't sure what he meant and I have never really been much of a drinker but he said it would help him out if I could. One of his peers taught a class in which the students chose what the subject matter was and today it was the effects of alcohol on an individual. They needed a test subject, and I was it. I started at 8am with a set of prepared tests and at 8:30 I had my first drink of Chevas Regal. I was to continue to have a shot every 1/2 hour and be tested hourly for the rest of the day. By 2pm the students would point me to the room and chant -" Here come the drunk, Here come the drunk" as I staggered to take my tests and although I only hurled once around 2:30, I to this day cannot drink Chevas Regal. By the way, my test scores were far above normal and the teacher stated repeatedly - " this is not your normal subject " - the results were conclusive though, alcohol does slow your reaction time and impair your vision and motor control.

I remember one time - walking home from work at like 5:30 am a VW bus pulls up along side of me and the sliding door opens and it's a group of the guys from the bar that are going on a road trip to a Music Festival and did I want to come along - I would have LOVED to but I had responsibilities - work the next day - so I told them to go on without me and have fun .... turns out  the festival was Woodstock......

Jill and I had some rough times in her 1st Ave and 10th street apartment. For a while, we ate on the weekends and lived on bologna and munster cheese from Monday to Thursday, her pay day. With my check on Fridays, we would make it through another weekend. But Jill started dateing a gay man she had met, and after the wedding she moved in with him. This relationship was doomed from the start as I had tried to warn her and soon ended in divorce. I never really saw her after that.

My first show in New York was "The Brave Little Tailor", a 'Jack and the Beanstalk' spinoff, at the Fashion Institute. It starred Jesse Stokes, Ike Smalls, Ron Ferrell, Emme Kresek, and Richelle Williams who have all continued their careers in the theatre/film industry. I met Tommy White, a cook/bar tender, who took me to his friend Victor Carl Guarneri's apartment for the night. Victor was an Antique Dealer and put me to work in his shop. I cleaned crystal chandeliers, scrubbed marble statuary and mantles. We even took a road trip to Detroit for an auction once. He knew everyone and introduced me to Lotta Lenya. While shampooing her rugs one day, she saw that I was depressed and sat me down. "What's the matter, Ricky. Your not your self today." I explained that I had just gone to a Broadway Audition and the producer, Martin, had told me that I had a lisp and would never make it in the theatre. "Darling", she said. "When I was much younger, I was doing a show and the producer told me I had protruding teeth and wanted me to have them fixed. I didn't and years later I was doing "Three Penny Opera" and the same man came back stage and commented on the beautiful job I had done, I told him "And if I had had my teeth fixed when you wanted, I would probably be nowhere today." She really lifted my spirits that day and I will never forget her. I went back to Martin to ask if there were anything I could do to help with the show he was working on and found he had just acquired the theatre we were in and was refurbushing the place to open as "The Robert F. Kennedy Theatre for Children" a name which he was later sued over. Martin had gone to the theatre's owner and found that there were back taxes due the city on the building and that NBC had take a lease on the property for 10 years but had found it infeasable for use after 1 year. Martin went to NBC regarding this and told them that he could settle for X amount of dollars which just happened to be the total due in taxes for which the owner gladly handed him the deed. I was in need of lodging and moved into the top dressing room of the theatre. I wanted the Star's dressing room but that is where we had our kitchen. The show I had auditioned for, "Scrooge" was presented but that was the only show done on the R.F.K. stage. Shortly after the Kennedy Family got into the picture and the theatre was closed. Martin did have a way of attracting people. The kids in the neighborhood found a way to sneak in, we never did figure out how, and were using the place as a club house.

 We put them to work fixing the place up and another production company rented the space to film the Dr. Pepper comercials. The first musical ones with the Dr. Pepper Boy. Martin managed to get me into the auditions and the Choreographers who had come in from California were very impressed with me. I waited for the call but when filming time came, everyone was asked to move out of the theatre. Still having keys to the theatre, I walked in during the filming and confronted the choreographers,but I was told the producer was afraid I would out shine his star, and lover.

I had also auditioned for "Over Here" starring the Andrews Sisters and was hired to do the Jitterbug Number. The next week the Andrews' decided the Broadway run had worn them out and that a National Tour would be too much for them and cancelled the tour.

I kept running into Robert LaTourneaux all over town. He played Cowboy (the birthday present) in "Boys In The Band" on Broadway and in the movie. I would be walking down the street and he would pass me on his bike and smile at me. We would see each other at a bar across the room and smile. It seemed to be fate that we would meet and one night at the Stud we did. I was sitting on the pool table waiting for the movie to start when he walked in and sat down on the floor between my legs. After spit cleaning my boots, he invited me to his place and things were hot & heavy for a while. He used to call me at 2:30 or 3:30am to hurry over to his place. I would rush over for and have HOT sex for 3 or 4 hours but I was dancing at the Department Store at the time and Bobby was so strong from lifting weights 5 hours a day that I would come away with finger print bruses all over my body. I tried to get him to ease off but when the customers started making remarks I had to end the relationship.

During that time, I would do anything to keep going. I got into hustling for a while and met some very interesting socialites. I hooked up with a call service, at first it was just sex but after a while I developed a tecnique and billed myself as a masseur. I made $200.00 and hour at times and times were good when I could find it. I was asked to do a porn film about a dancer but was refused a 3 min. dance section. The film was still made but without me. I took a job for "the Boys" working at a whore house as a bouncer. The Green Door had been an apartment building some years earlier, now ready to be condemned, above the ground floor bookstore - XXX Rated - the girls hung out the window and called to the men on the street. My job was to check out the guys coming upstairs and keep the cops out. I also had to check the rooms to make sure the 'johns' weren't mistreating the girls, so I got to see guite a bit. I met the "Don" of the city and got his blessing. He was my bosses Uncle. I was at work one night and the girls were talking with this hot blond guy who was horny but broke. I told him he was so cute that I would take care of him for free but he didn't believe me and went away. About an hour later the girls called me over to the window, he was back asking if I was serious about what I had said to which I replied - you bet. He didn't come up right then but did come back later and we started dating. He got me in trouble with the girls, they couldn't understand why this georgous man would prefer me over them. They made trouble for us and I was fired. The building was torn down shortly thereafter and my boss went to prison for murder.

Just before Christmas that year, I answered an advertisement in a gay publication for models for film in Chicago. I was sent a plane ticket and upon arriving found that the man and his lover brought in kids from around the country for short periods of time just to have "fresh meat" as it were. They wanted to film me having sex with either them, or someone of my choosing from a large collection of tapes and photos on hand. They would fly in whom ever I wanted for the filming session but, being that John, the payee, was short, dumpy and discustingly fat, and because his young blonde lover found me quite appealing, which was reciprocative, I was put up at a local hotel for the week. They decided to film me dancing in the nude for their New Year's Eve party and even flew me home for Christmas and back to be present for the party as the guest of honor. I made $600.00 plus the airfare and with the money I moved home to Connecticut.

It was 1971, and I had decided that New York and the Theatre were where I belonged but I needed more training.

I moved back to Mystic and found an apartment across from the Baptist Church. I started attending Church regularly. The Reverend Dr. Gates was minister and I soon found myself teaching Sunday School. I bought a miniature Schnauser and started seeing Dwight again. One morning, while she was in heat, I let Toto out to relieve herself. Just then the phone started ringing but she had not completed her task and would not come in so I ran to the phone , yelled "call me back in 5 min." and ran outside to find a german shepard just coming off Toto. Well, I didn't know what to do so I called the vet who said to give her a Coca Cola enema. I ran around the neighborhood looking for an enema bag and finally located one from a nice old lady down the street. I raced home to do as I had been instructed but to no avail. Toto had two puppies the size of my fist, but the funny part was when I returned the enema bag. The nice old gal asked if my wife was having problems and when I told her the whole story, her jaw nearly hit the floor. I'm sure she threw that bag out eventho I had taken great pains to sterlize it before returning it.

It was about this time that I started growing my own smoke and baking it into breads, Banana Nut or Cranberry Nut, with Alice B. Toklas' recipe. Dwight and I went to New London after having a couple of slices one day and nearly drove off the bridge. We started tripping from the THC and, with the top of the bridge covered in fog, it looked as though we were driving into heaven.

I had two strange occurances / visions during this time, one while lying in the couch in my living room with the fire in the hearth. The flames starting shooting into the air, and sparks flew around the room. All of a sudden, there was a pressure on my spine as though someone was lying  beside of me with their butt agains mine. I turned over to see what it was and there was a man, drenched in light, lying there and when I kissed him and thought to myself, "Who are you?", I heard him telepathically say, "LOVE" and he vanished. A few weeks later, on my birthday, I was in church for a concert and saw, in the balcony, a man drenched in light who could only have been Jesus who told me that God was pleased with me and that this concert was a gift to me from God on my birthday. At that point, I asked the voice, telepathically, "Does the congregation know that this is my gift from God?", and everyone in the room turned to look at me and smile and then returned their eyes to the front where the concert was still going on. And I thought, "Does the choir know?" and the voice told me to look at the director, who, at that point, turned his eyes to me and nodded and returned to conducting. The man in Light now appeared at the rear of the choir on stage and smiled before disappearing entirely. God was pleased with me, I knew that now.

My neighbor Carol was involved with a newly formed theatre group made up of kids all younger than myself. She was doing costumes for there production of "The Fantastics" and asked one day if I would be interested in joining. I had mentioned in conversations about my theatre background but embelished on it abit. I had told her I was in Chicago doing "HAIR" rather than the truth which she immediately embelished to the theatre group that I had Directed "HAIR" in Chicago. The yarn seemed to grow and grow and soon I was being asked to direct their production as David Smith, the present director, was also playing the lead and the show was suffering because of it. I took over the reins and the show was a big hit. We won numerous community awards and were called by the New London High School Drama Department, Mr. Gerry Gordon, to help in their production of "West Side Story". David was asked to play Tony against an Operatic Maria brought in from Hartford. David stated that the only way he would do the show was if the rest of the group were allowed to audition for the show. This group had been formed to combat the local community groups who tended to use the same people over and over again and these talented individuals were being overlooked. They didn't want to give up their ideals over this and it worked to our advantage. Nicky Checker, David and myself had become the Three Musketeers of sorts and were inseperable at the time. Nicky got the part of Bernardo, and I played Action but had to double for David as Tony for the Ballet sequence as he couldn't dance to save himself. The choreographer was Bud Tucker who had as an assistant Maria Brunell, a ballet teacher with a studio in Pawcatuck. Maria and I did the "Somewhere Ballet" which turned out to be the highlight of the show. An East Lyme group in produiction of "Gypsy" saw the show and asked me to take over the part of Tulsa. I had seen the show recently and knew the part called for a tap solo. I told them I wasn't sure I could do it, not having any tap training and with the show set to open in 6 weeks, but they assured me I could. I worked night and day with the choreographer and the show went off without a hitch. I even got more work when the city of New London was putting together a cruise aboard a ferry. Have you ever tried to do a ballet aboard a moving boat. Not Fun.

It was while working on "Fantastics" that I met Peggy. She was the stage manager for the show and we hit it off right away. Later, it was Dave & Nicky who told me that Peg had been around, if you know what I mean. That didn't bother me, I had been around the block a few time myself. We spent all our time together and soon announced we were to be married. A date was set for some 8 months down the road, I wanted plenty of time to get to know her, and we started to make plans. Things went well for the first 6 months but when she professed to being a witch, I had to back off. I went to see Dr. Gates who stated " You can take a faggot from the fire, but you can't make it burn." Was he talking about Peggy . . . or Me? I couldn't tell but knew that I had to get out of the marrage.

It was while I was living in Mystic that my cousin Barry announced that he was going to marry Margie. Now I had grown up with Margie, a real knockout but I knew her. She married her high school sweetheart, Dennis, and moved into a Quansetthut next door to us. Dennis was the high school football captain and even I had a crush on him. Built like a brick outhouse but a little slow on the uptake, if you know what I mean. The nicest guy you would ever want to meet unless he though you were trying to steal his girl. Their divorce tore him apart and I didn't want the same for Barry. I told him she was wrong for him, that she would get bored with him as she did with Dennis and leave him and pleaded with him to reconsider his decision. I even threatened to boycott the wedding and I did. But after, I played the good cousin and made nice when she was around. I know that his death was directly related to her asking for a divorce. Friends of mine who were with him say he was drunk and depressed when he left the beach to drive home that night. He never made it.

Dr. Gates helped me to understand that all I had to do was attempt to reach my goals and the Lord would make it possible and, eventho my parents would have no part in helping me realize my dream, I did manage to acquire a loan and was accepted to Connecticut College, which is affiliated with the National Theatre Institute where Larry Arrick, a Broadway Director, was in charge. Conn. College had just become co-ed the year before and the experience from these shows allowed me to do well at the audition for Martha Meyers, head of the dance department. I danced with the top names in the country at Conn. Each week, Martha, who had been with the Martha Graham Company, brought in all the best - Ailey, Limon, Miller, Tharp, Cunningham, Nicks, Lamb -the list went on and on and I studied with them all. At N.T.I., I took a class with Larry in directing for first semister but found it dull and asked if I could do an independent study for which I chose Mart Crowley's " The Boys In The Band", the first gay play on Broadway. I had enjoyed the movie and Cowboy, the surprise birthday gift, Robert La Tourneaux. I also felt that this show really expressed something worth saying and asked the church to help me finance the work. They gave me $300.00 for operating costs, Bud Tucker assisted with the lighting and the show was presented two nights at the Institute. I received a "B" for my work and when asked what I had done wrong was told - "Nobody's Perfect".

Working with the local theatre groups and high schools had given me an in to other things being done. I was called for a shoot being filmed at the Mystic Seaport, a museum which my cousin Barry had grown up next to and where we had spent many hours, in which Cliff Robertson was starring in "A Man Without A Country". They needed extras and I went. I have never seen the film but have people looking all over for a copy of it for me. The makeup man took a decided interest in me and outdid himself, or so they say. I am wounded on the deck after the big fight where Cliff receives the Captains sword. I sure would like to see that.

I received a scholarship to the festival that year and Walter Nicks took a liking to me. He started me in the intermediate classes but by the second week of six I was in the master classes right at his side. I was in class from 8am to 4pm with a half hour lunch. Ballet, Modern, Jazz and then I could relax because I signed up for Massage Classes. I was paired with Barbara, a cute brunette from the mid-west and we became so intuned to each other. After dinner there would always be a dance, I mean, we just spent 8 hours in class dancing but we went on into the night until 1 or 2am. One night, during week 5, Barbara and I stopped the show with a number never before attempted. She hardly touched the floor through the entire piece and although she wanted to reverse roles and support me at one point, I didn't feel she had the strength to pull it off. She would, of course, disagree.

Rael Lamb was an up and coming dancer who also took an interest in me but not just for my dance. He had taught during the regular school year and we went out a couple of times. Now he wanted me to be his lover but it just wasn't going to happen. But I did move back to New York at this point.

I stayed with Victor for a short time and worked at the shop. Victor introduced me to Adamo, a student, who put me up at his place on 24th and 9th. One time, he invited a couple of French Countesses to come and spend a week in the states. All week they sat around speaking in french until on Friday one of them commented, "Ricky, you never talk." I told her that I didn't speak french but they refused to believe me. I finally confessed that I had taken 1/2 year of french class in high school but had flunked out. The only phrase I had retained from that time I did not feel was appropreate, but they insisted until I finally broke down and said "Voule Vous couche avec moi." at which point she slapped my face and ended the conversation.

I started with a new vocal coach who would not take me on as a student until he did my astrological chart. I found I was a double Aquarian with my moon in Gemini. The only bad thing on my chart, he said, was my Venus is trined with Mercury which is to say I can't tell the difference between Love and Sex. Is there one???

I had started doing off-off-off Broadway shows and got involved with a Gay Organization doing a campy version of Oliver. I met Joel during this time and eventually moved in with him on 80th and York, a very small studio apartment with a loft bed. Joel volunteered my services to the organization which was doing a gay play called "No Deposit, No Return". They needed someone to pose for the poster of the show and I found my butt being stencilled with the title. First in two straight lines across my cheek but the photographer felt it would look better in a circle so they took Ajax and scrubbed the letters off and started again. The final poster was still hanging on the wall of one of the leather bars in the west village the last time I was in there, some 30 years later. Joel and I moved into a cute 1 bedroom apartment on 21st and 8th with brick walls and a fireplace. He had been raised in a very strict Jewish family and had never owned a pet so I bought my first Kerry Blue Terrier and named her My Lover's Joie. I was driving Taxi out of the Village and saw a man on 10th street walking two Blue dogs and had backed-up 1/2 a block to ask of the breed. I started looking through the papers and finally found one in Brooklyn. I paid $50.00 for the runt. Joel was very pleased but I soon found out that he was emotionally unstable and inept at caring for her or me. Things started to deteriorate shortly thereafter and I started dating again. I met Andy Warhol's Producer, Jeff Tornberg, at an art gallery party and he and I hit it off right away. For Christmas that year he gave me a beautiful wool scarf that was drenched in his cologne - Calvin - which can only be purchased outside the U.S. now. The note stated - "to keep you warm when I can't be there". Joel was so upset that he hit the poor dog now 8 months old with the fireplace poker breaking her hind leg. I came home that morning with only 4 hours until my train home for the holidays to find a note stating the dog was in the hospital and that he would take care of it while I was gone. Upon my return, I asked Joel to move out. I never got the true story from Joel, I got it from the dog. Joel said that the dowel chair from the kitchen set had his leather flight jacket on the back and that the chair had overturned and fallen on the leg and broken it but when I would deliberately knock over the chair with the dog close by, she would have no reaction. This to me seemed strange. Dwight called to say he was moving to the city and needed a place to stay. As I had told Joel to find another place, I asked Dwight to come stay with me. One morning, while making blueberry pancakes - the only argument DW and I had ever had was over the preperation of Blueberry Pancakes and whether or not the canned berries should be rinsed - we were jokingly recreating that scene when he picked up the fireplace poker and came at me with Joie between us. She became so scared, she relieved herself on the floor and coward behind me. We knew then how her leg had been broken.

I got a part in a children's show at the 18th Street Theatre, "The Prince & the Pauper" in which I played the pauper's mean old father. My wife was played by Louise Fletcher who, after seeing me scare the kids day after day asked "How do you do it. These kids won't even exit the theatre if you are near the door." I gave her my secret and I guess it helped because she's doing a great job of it now. Go Louise!!

Dwight got involved at the theatre as well and soon we were moving into another apartment with the girl who was doing lights at the theatre. She and I never saw eye to eye. I think she felt I was still after DW, not, and I knew she was and had no chance. I met David Schuster, an opera singer who at age 18 was being sought after by the leading opera houses in Europe, and moved in with him for a while across the street from Lincoln Center. Our apartment was quite spacious with a terret balcony overlooking the Center. I started teaching piano & voice and accompanied David for rehearsals and performances. I also was teaching at the New York School of Music on Madison Avenue and took a position one day a week at a school on Staten Island where the group 'Warrant' came for vocal coaching with me.

I also tried to get accepted at the Julliard School for Dance but my audition for Martha Hill resulted in her telling me I should have applied to the drama department which unfortunately was filled and she would be stiffling my career if she took me in. " You are a performer. I expect to see you on Broadway within the next year and I want tickets for the front row" were her comments. David was expecting us to become lovers but I only thought of him as a friend. This wore on the relationship and I decided to go it on my own at that point and moved in with Charles Michael Adler, Beany to his friends.

Beany did became my Lover almost immediately and for 2 years our studio garden apartment on 56th and 9th was home. I tore out the backyard and put flagstone walks and what was to be a waterfall turned into a small pond in the rear corner which I eventually planted a wysteria in. I planted strawberries, tomatoes that grew 10 feet tall, morning glories that climbed to the third floor of the apartment building, all sorts of flowers and even had a patch of grass to lay out on. If you have ever been in a brownstone in New York, you know the size of the garden space between buildings, mine was alittle larger than my studio apartment.

We had great times together and were very rarely seperated. His family had trouble accepting the relationship and caused numerous arguments. His sister was constantly butting in with her two cents worth and, as she lived a block away and spent alot of time with us, it was sometimes difficult to make my point. His career had been helped along by family influence and he managed to do quite well in the theatre with voice-overs and even a stint on Broadway for a while. He still does cartoon voices as far as I know.

I was hired to do another extra part for a film in Brooklyn. I was part of a large subway crowd with "Crocodile Dundee" walking across my chest. I made $60.00, 2 subway tokens plus lunch, if you could call it that, and I was there from pre-dawn to well after dusk. When I show the film I have to pause it to show people where I am. There is one film, "Trackdown" the sequel to "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" (1983), that you can see me for some time. Olive Oyl is on the dance floor and George Segal is walking around looking and passes right by me twice. Of course I'm dancing, so you don't get a good look there either.

I took an part in a show "The World's First Country Western Women's Lib Musical Comedy" in which I played 9 different roles. The show was made up of short skits. In one, I played a mugger in central park and rape this girl on a park bench. For this scene, the director wanted me to smoke a cigarette and have my ear pierced so I could wear a long dangling feather earring. I had given up smoking about a year and a half before for the second time and felt I had enought strenght to manage 1 cigarette a night but soon found myself back to a pack a day. One of the other parts was that of a Hindu Priest where I had to talk in that singsongy way and sit in a lotus position through the entire scene. The girl who had written the show knew Stephen King and invited me to his soho apartment where you enter through the garage and a door in the wall which isn't there unless you move the book and push the peg, and the bedroom is behind the bookcase. Boy! talk about your strange houses. A gold fish pond in the living room complete with waterfall and stream. All this, in the middle of Manhattan.

I was the only dancer hire at the audition for Vinette Carroll's Urban Art Corp.'s Off-B'way production of "All The King's Men", the Huey Long story in which we were choreographed in a football game where the Huey's son is Quarterback, breaks his neck and dies on the field. One night, I had gone out and bought those Honey filled Bee candies in the foil wrapper, 2 packages, starting eating them and by show time had eaten a package and a half. Well, I found out I was Hypoglycemic when, during the number, I had been choreographed to do a cartwheel, come up and while throwing the ball do a triple pirouette but when I got upside down the sugar must have raced to my head and before I knew what was happening I was in a heap on the floor. I tried to pick myself up and continue but as I started into my turn, my knees buckled and I spiraled to the floor again. The other dancers were brought in from the Alvin Ailey third string and were laughing so hard under their breath they could hardly lift the Quarterback off the ground for the big finale, two dancers with their hands forming a platform were to toss him across the stage to the waiting arms of three other dancers, I in the middle to catch his waist. The actor's head nearly careened into the stage floor but for my quickness. He was now center stage instead of down right and his body was reversed from its intended position. The scene called for us to all cover the body and as we all lay there in a huddle, the other dancers are confussed and asking "What do we do now??" I said, "Just follow me" and as we stood up in a circle around the body, I rotated the circle of dancers around the body until we were where we were supposed to be, motioned to pick up the body and then rotated the body and we exited. Backstage people were a-buzz with comments but I was really shaken. It was Sunday, the last performance of the weekend and we were dark until Thursday. All week I worried it would happen again. On Wednesday evening I was on the upper east side at 72nd and 1st when while crossing 72nd, a woman stops me in the center of the street and tells me she loved my performance on Sunday evening. I was so thrilled I started jumping up and down and screaming "Whee! Whoopee! Yes!!" Thursday went fine.

 I had landed a job at a new dance club owned by Steak & Brew. They wanted to open a club strickly for dancers called Vamps on the upper west side - part of BeefSteak Charlie's. With so many dance companies in the city, they wanted a club for just that type of crowd. They hired me to give the opening night inviataion only party because I was a dancer and knew alot of people and they hired me to work the door to be sure that it was a semi private club for dancers only.  Then, after the club got going, they asked me to give another party and create a dance to premier as well. The Bus Stop was the big rage then and they wanted me to choreograph something that would be associated with this new club. I created "The Electric" which later became know as The Electric Slide and presented copies of the choreography to the guests at a second invitation only party and continued to stay on and teach the steps for a couple of months while working at the door as bouncer/cashier. The dance took off, although when I see it done these days, a few steps have been dropped which changes the meter and timing of the dance and, to me, takes away the fun of it.

I was also taken into the Larry Richardson Dance Company for a time knowing full well that at 28 year of age, I was only asking for trouble and it followed. One night at the club, I was teaching the Slide when I did a double tour (turn in the air),slipped on someones spilt drink, twisted my knee and tore a cartiledge. Surgery resulted and I spent most of the next year in bed or in therapy. This nearly ended my dance career. No more could I go to the clubs and let loose. Now I had to watch the world do my dances. I had to resign myself to the facts. I could no longer dance with free abandonment. The doctor tried every drug he could to help my pain but found I was allergic to all known arthritus medications. During the operation he noticed that my joints were "riddled" with the disease and, knowing the pain I must be feeling, asked what I did to cope. "Smoke a joint when it gets really bad" was my reply and he wrote into my record, "I recommend the continued use of marijuana for pain as the patient states this seems to help." I am able to do short stints, to choreograph for others, and, after a few tokes, knock out a number or two, but I used to love to go to the Village, there was a club near the Hudson on 16th or 17th, a large black warehouse with a dance floor like a gym, and just dance 'til dawn. Some thought I was a freak dancing by myself and covering the entire floor, stopping to dance with this one and that. I just loved to be dancing and all were invited to join me. Sometimes I felt that I was dancing with everyone in the room. I have a very unique style to my dance. A flow that is easily picked up. Most of my students through the years have always found my choreography easy to 'put on'. When a dancer takes on a dance, he has to put on the 'suit' of the choreographer. It is almost like wearing the clothes of another person and making their clothes look good on you. I guess you could say, whereas many choreographers tailor there suits to fit themselves, I tend to go with a unisexual look. My style was picked up by alot of the kids at the clubs and before I knew it, the kids are doing my dances on the streets. My style was so unique and varied that it broke into groups and became known as 'Lockin' & Poppin' , 'The Webble' now know as Techtonik, 'The Robot' which I created at Conn College and 'Breakdancing', the one that they took farther than even I expected. I've seen kids try stuff that I wouldn't have done at my peak, but that's what I was teaching, to break out of the mold and let loose, that these bodies are made to move to the music, that time and meter are one as music and space. I am glad to have been able to do that much, to know that my dancing wasn't in vain, to know that I have set the spirit free and Lighted the lamps of many dancers to come. And now it's over - NOT!

I spent almost 6 months in bed after the operation and another year recouperating. Beany stood by me through most of the rough times although I found that while laid up in bed all that time, he had not even defrosted the refrigerator and when I started to get back on my feet, I found that things around the house had fallen to pieces. One day, after asking him on numerous occasions to no avail, I got down on my knees to defrost the apartments size under-counter refrigerator, slipped on the wet floor and ended up back in the hospital for another 2 weeks.

I met Imogene Coca and her husband, King Donavan through Beany as he and Imogene had done "Once Upon A Mattress" together. We knew Kay Medford from the Gym who had introduced us to Sylvia Sydney. Geri Ragni and I ate at the same restaurant on 9th Ave. and we often spoke. I still have a picture of him giving me the peace sign. Peace Man! He told me I could use his songs anytime and not to worry about royalties but I haven't for fear some agent would come after me and Geri wouldn't even remember me.

I was working on a new show with some friends that a girlfriend had written. She and I were reworking the show to firm it up and get it on the boards as they say. The first act was really looking good but the opening of the second act was poor and I asked the girl and her partner to see if they could come up with something better to get the second act started. They went out and rewrote the entire show, including new characters and new story line. I was distraught, I had only asked that the scene with the mythical island, serpents and tasks be updated to a more modern approach and here they had started from scratch and written a new show. Now we had to start from square one again and go over the entire piece rather than just working on the second act. The show was tabled and never done to my knowledge. Pity, it could have been great.

I also met a young composer named Jason, who worked at Vamps. He had written a beautiful song called "Where Have I Been " and gave me a copy of the leadsheet to use in my shows. He even wrote a new ending for me at one point.

Things were looking up, or so it seemed until Beany decided to do a stock production of "Mattress" in the Mid-west with Imogene. I had asked him not to take the position because he would be gone for 10 weeks and I knew that those tours are lonely and his hormones were the reason we met in the first place and his appetite was insatiable. With road companys being the way they are, I knew someone would come on to him, and sooner or later he would succum. He assured me this would not happen and went. My fears were not unfounded, the first few weeks I got a letter and a phone call every day, then a letter every third day and a phone call twice a week, then no letter and a phone call after repeated messages left. I tried for three days to contact him with no reply and it was then I broke off the relationship before he even returned to New York.

I was badly hurt from this and slipped into a hole. I lived like a bum for the next couple of months sleeping in a flop house on a mattress on the floor and bearly eating. If it hadn't been for my dog Joie, I surely would have ended it at this point. She was all I had left and with a litter of 8 puppies, I had my hands full. I took an railroad flat next to my friend Billie and sold him one of the dogs. For a year, we had the top floor of the building and the roof and would let the dogs run loose throughout. I ended up having to take Bill to court over the dog for breach of contract and also lost most of my record collection which I left in his care when I eventually went to California.

Still going to auditions, I was now being told I was too good. I had preformed on most of the stages at Lincoln Center, Philhamonic Hall while in college with Leonard Berstein, who tried to pick me up, City Opera as a supernumery for Carmen and a couple of other operas, Avery Fisher and the Bandshell in various chorus and dance productions. The only stage I never made it to was The Met.